Hogwart's Morning Show
by Yorke0593
Summary: After a stupid comment from James, Sirius decides to start a Hogwart’s morning show. Includes Bad Jokes, News, and innuendoes! This is for all of you who have dreamed of waking up to the marauders.


Story By: Kassie King

Title: The Hogwart's Morning Show

Category: Humor

Rated: T

Summary: After a stupid comment from James, Sirius decides to start a Hogwart's morning show. Includes Bad Jokes, News, and innuendoes! This is for all of you who have dreamed of waking up to the marauders.

Remus: Welcome Back everyone to yet another morning here at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!

Peter: Not that they really have a choice to be here…

Sirius: Shut up Peter, of course they want to be here! Where else would they want to be?

James: yawns Sleeping, like the rest of the world at 6 AM.

Sirius: Ohhh, did somebody have astronomy a little late last night?

James: no…

Sirius: Oh good! I _thought _it was Lily keeping you up.

Remus: Sirius! 

Sirius: Yes?

Remus: I was interjecting not asking a question.

Peter: What does interjecting mean?

Remus: Well the root word 'ject' means to throw. The suffix 'tion' means…

James: Remus, shut up! No one should be smart in the morning.

Sirius: Prongs, you do realize everyone in all of Hogwarts is watching you sit there drooling on your sleeve, don't you?

James: This morning show wasn't **MY** idea.

Sirius: Yes it was.

James: How do you figure?

Sirius: A week ago you yelled at me for jumping on the bed at 6 AM and then you said, and I **quote** "Sirius, my god if everyone heard your voice when waking up then no one in the student body would be late for breakfast!" From that I deduced that you meant we should make a morning show from our dorm room and Dumbledore thought it was a charming idea! 

James: Dumbledore is a loon!

Remus: Now, is that any way for a head boy to act?

James: It is at 6 AM!

Sirius: Oh be quiet, by now it is at least 6:02.

Remus: And now for the morning announcements… or just finding a way to shut them up…

Professor McGonagle would like to inform all members of the Gryffindor quidditch team that if she loses another game she **will** give every member a week's worth of detention. She has booked the field for you on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday evening at 7. She would also like to add that if Captain James Potter is late to practice one more time, then he will be forced to stay at school during the next Hogsmeade trip.

Professor Binns would like to notify all third years that the test on Elfish History has been canceled. However in its place 2 ft of Parchment on Mnemone Radford is due on Tuesday.

There will be a school formal to celebrate Christmas next week, as you all know, however if anyone **is** returning home for the holidays you will need to inform Professor McGonagle by the end of today.

That's it for the…

Sirius: **MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS**

Remus: Sirius, I get to say that.

Sirius: Why?

Remus: Because we agreed when we started this that I would only let you wake me up at 6 AM every morning to do this little show if I got to do the announcements.

Sirius: You **did** do the morning announcements, I just finished them.

Remus: You suck.

Sirius: _What_ exactly?

Peter: Gross!

James: Shut up!

Sirius: Prongs here is a little testy in the mornings…

James: I am not! You are just **really** annoying.

Sirius: You are delusional I am not annoying. I'm charming, brilliant, and I make all of the girls swoon.

Remus: Sirius someday you are going to grow up alone and be stuck in the midst of hell with only fond memories of when you 'made all the girls swoon'.

Sirius: Ah well at least you guys will be stuck in the hell with me.

James: You are really lucky we made that stupid friendship pact in second year otherwise I would contradict that statement.

Peter: Huh?

Remus: Peter, how do you pass your exams every year?

Peter: I look off the paper of the person next to me.

Remus: That's impossible the paper's have impermeable charms on them.

Peter: Not if you break the charm.

Remus: If you knew how to break the charm then you'd pass the test.

Peter: Are you saying I'm dumb?

Sirius: No Peter not at all, he's saying that you do not meet the general status quo of intelligence that an average student falling into your age group does.

James: I never thought I'd be telling you not to be smart in the mornings.

Sirius: Ah, it comes and it goes.

Peter: True that.

James: Don't say that again.

Sirius: True _that_.

Remus: wow.

James: Sirius can pull it off.

Sirius: Hell yes I can.

Remus: Sirius, this is a PG broadcast.

Sirius: Moony, we'd be good if this was a PG school. Look at it this way: we have insane teachers, sex scandals, and cheaters. We have liars, idiots, egotistical morons, and rude students. Plus we have Slytherins.

Peter: Doesn't this broadcast meet the **entire** school?

Sirius: Well it's not like they all didn't want to hex me into the oblivion already for being a blood traitor. My slight signs of verbal hatred is nothing compared to the hell my dear old mother put me through.

James: Padfoot, how about we don't get into that just now?

Sirius: yeah…

Remus: So um, yes, we're sorry to any student in which we might have offended

Sirius: We are?

Remus: yes.

James: Even Snivellus?

Peter: Watch your tongue or Lily will have your throat.

James: Can we please leave my girlfriend out of this.

Sirius: Oh you're just mad because she's developed a soft spot for our greasy haired foe.

James: Lily can befriend whomever she feels fit.

Sirius: Oh then- **Attention! Attention! **Urgent news: Prongs has officially been whipped!

James: Oh ha ha, Sirius.

Remus: It had to be said mate.

James: You think so too?

Remus: 'fraid so.

James: Gosh!

Sirius: There is an easy remedy…

James: And what might that be?

Sirius: Cut class with Peter and I to go to Hogsmeade

Remus: Sirius this reaches the entire school- including teachers- including McGonagle.

Sirius: Old Minnie's never given me anything I can't handle.

Peter: Remember that time…

Sirius: Peter, in order to maintain a certain image we must not reveal any sort of secret in which we have told each other in moments of vulnerability.

James: By moments of vulnerability do you mean the time we nicked Veritaserum from Slughorn and played truth or dare with the girls?

Sirius: That's a SIRIUS possibility.

Remus: You are soooo cheesy.

Sirius: Oh come on, my Sirius parallel jokes never get old.

James: After 239 of them they do.

Sirius: Those 239 jokes were pure humor and you know it.

Remus: Sirius, there are many things I know and **that** is not one of them.

Sirius: You are very full of yourself.

Remus: I'm full of myself? Are you serious?

Sirius: Why yes I am!

James: Alright, 240 jokes- you're done.

Sirius: I'm never truly done

Peter: well, we all know that.

Sirius: Haha that was hilarious Peter.

James: A real knee-slapper there!

Remus: Guys chill, he was kidding around like the rest of us.

Sirius: If his joke is not funny- we will not laugh.

James: Sorry mate he speaks the truth.

Remus: Dunderhead!

Sirius: Wanker!

James: Children, please!

Sirius: Hmph

James: Yeah, yeah go ahead and pout!

Sirius: I will! 

Peter: Through the whole show?

Sirius: Yes!

Remus: Fine then you can't borrow my Potions Homework.

Sirius: Moony!

Remus: It's the price you'll have to pay for solidarity.

Sirius: Well, then I'll talk- but I won't like it.

James: Yes you will.

Sirius: so what?

Remus: He was just proving the point.

James: Moony, I don't need a buffer.

Remus: Well excuse me for trying to help.

Sirius: You're excused!

Remus: I didn't mean literally.

Sirius: So you meant it figuratively?

Remus: No!

Sirius: So how'd you mean it.

James: I'm going to use a way overused line when dealing with you; shut up!

Remus: Alright hopefully we're running out of time… ah, yes we are. So we'll see you all at breakfast- have a great morning.

Sirius: Race you to the great hall!

James: No! I have to wait for Lily and you'll eat all the muffins…

**A/N  
**

**Wow that was fun. I don't have much to say. I hope you enjoyed what little humour this possessed and it is my deepest wish for you to write a review – well maybe that's second. Meeting Jo would kick any reviews ass any day!**


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